Conflicting emotions

I teach feelings to many of the kids I work with. I teach them to understand their feelings, express their feelings appropriately, talk about their feelings, recognize their feelings and learn from their feelings. I work with them on positive release of their emotions and consequences from negative reactions when they become upset. 

I've wondered recently how often I actually practice what I teach. It's like the old saying, I'm talking the the talk but am I walking the walk? The reality when it comes to our emotions is that being appropriate is HARD. Knowing which feelings you feel is difficult. Recognizing not only that you are feeling something specific, but that you are feeling multiple feelings at one time can be a struggle. And if and when you recognize these things, what do you do with that information? Lately, I've been trying so very hard to express the positive and work on the positive and funnel the negative into something positive. But feelings can go so deep and can mean so many different things, sometimes it's not so easy to be so black and white about it.

Recently, I've been exposed to some negativity in my workplace. Some people have had negative attitudes and it's so easy to get wrapped up in it and play into it, but yesterday I stopped and said to myself, "I don't need this. It's not worth my time to be negative too." So my goal for the upcoming week and others to come is to try the best I can to ignore the negativity and be the most positive I can be. 

Another example of all of my conflicting emotions centers around babies. This is probably obvious to most people, but it's perplexing to me how something can feel so good and positive but feel equally hurtful at the same time. I know so many people who are pregnant right now or who have infants. And I love babies! I love holding them, smelling them and kissing them. I love squeezing them, playing with them, making them laugh and seeing them cry. I love everything about babies. I am so overjoyed for everyone in my life who is currently experiencing the happiness and joy of their babies/pregnancies. But sometimes it's HARD. And letting myself realize that it is hard is helpful to me. It's okay to hurt while I take joy in all the little babies around me. It's okay to love on those other babies. But it's okay to miss him too. 

It's okay to grow and love and be happy and sad and frustrated and angry and joyful all at the same time. It's okay not to understand my feelings sometimes too. And this is something I will remember when I'm expecting the kids I work with to talk about their feelings. 

 In March, I got a tattoo for Cam. The Lotus Flower symbolizes unmanifested potential, the heart and coming out of disaster. I felt this represented us perfectly.

 In feel like this is a good picture to symbolize that Cam is always with me, but I can see beyond and even smile sometimes.

Aww. Me and the hubs.